I’ve played it for many years and for so many different reasons. I am pretty certain we all have. We wonder if the grass is greener on the other side (referring to school, work, relationships, houses). We question our capabilities because we compare the talents of others to our own (aka imposture syndrome). We measure our success based on the achievements of others. We doubt ourselves and ask what’s wrong with us because we don’t have a partner. We give up before we try because we think that someone else is better than us.
Can you relate?
Perhaps I should rephrase that last paragraph and replace all the ‘we’s’ with ‘I’s’. Because that would be me being vulnerable, honest and openly sharing the thoughts that run through my mind.
I’ve wanted to write this for a long time and share my journey on comparison. I still have these thoughts but I am getting better at not picking them up and analysing them, turning them into truths. I have learnt to acknowledge them, see them as my insecurities and work hard to clear them from my mind. I’ve used the skill of turning comparison into motivation and yoga has blessed with me learning to accept and be present; grateful for the current moment.
The last few days I have taken up running. Nothing over the top, just a morning jog along the beach. I was really proud of myself on the first day. I jogged the whole way! Then it got me thinking, if I was jogging next to a friend, I probably wouldn’t be as proud because they might have run faster or longer than me. But I reminded myself that I am running my own race. No one knows how I slept last night, what pressure I am under or the personal things going on in my world. Why would I compare my run to someone else’s? They might have had a totally different quality of sleep, have other great things happening in their world, or be working through some really horrible things.
We are usually comparing what we don’t have, when looking at what others do have! Re-framing to the opposite isn’t healthy either. It is a good perspective check but not as healthy as having gratitude.
All these things got me thinking about the quote ‘COMPARISON IS THE THEIF OF JOY’ and how it has taken me years to truly understand it and take back my joy!
These are the mantras or realisations that I have worked through and am still working through to remove comparison and live the life I was born to live.
Turn envy into inspiration. There have certainly been times in my life where I would feel a sense of jealousy when someone was better than I or had something that I did not. E.g. if a friend ran a marathon, I would find myself downplaying their efforts because I couldn’t imagine running 42km myself. I have learnt that when the envy niggles to ask myself ‘why is it that I am feeling this way’? Usually it is because I am doubting my own abilities to achieve what they have just achieved. I now convert that jealousy into an appreciation and respect for the hard work that person has poured in and take inspiration from their ambition, starting to work towards the things that I want.
Know that everyone has their own challenges and our challenges are not to be compared. Just because you are struggling with something that someone else finds easy, doesn’t mean it is a challenge not worth acknowledging. It can provide perspective for you to get through your own.
Appreciate everyone’s unique talents, marvel at them and marvel at your own. The world needs your gifts to help inspire others. Imagine if your favourite artist never had the courage to record their music because they thought someone else was better than them and there was no point. Devastating right? Use your talents, put them out into the world no matter how amateur you believe they might be. Your uniqueness can never be replicated
Accept that each day will be different. That is the beauty of being alive. We have great days, hard days, amazing days. Some days where you can stay awake until 11pm others where you are in bed by 7:57pm. Allow it.
Acknowledge that the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. And if you aren’t so proud of yesterday’s efforts that’s ok. There is a new day to begin tomorrow (or even better another minute to start ...now!)
You will never know a person’s full story. No matter how glossy their world appears I promise they are human too. They might have all the latest trends and have been to extreme holiday locations but they may also have a huge credit debt that they stress about every day (they may also not?!).
I make a commitment to stop comparing, appreciate the journey that I am on and see that life really is a gift. If I am to lead a life of joy and fulfilment it certainly will be something I keep working on.
With LOVE from Bel x
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