Love is all around… but nowhere to be found!

This is a story of how I, Bel, do my best to deal with all the love around me, when I am still searching for my own.

I can feel my heart beat in my chest and a lump form in my throat. My body has a beautiful way of telling me when I am uncomfortable. It’s the reminder of the courage I take as I type these words. It’s giving me an out, an opportunity to stop my fingers from tapping away. But, in these moments (I believe) is really when we should dig deep, breathe slowly (from the belly, with long exhales) and dive straight in.

So here goes nothing.

To be real, raw, open and honest with you, I can promise 100%, I really don’t think there is one answer to this question.

I love, LOVE! Like, really love, LOVE! Big, bold, beautiful powerful love. The kind that makes your heart sing, gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes you smile from the inside out. I also believe in love. I believe in the power of connection, strong, deep connection, the kind that holds an energy like no other.

27 dresses, always a bridesmaid, the one doing a reading, a toast or being the MC, but never the bride. I smile writing this thinking of the day when I can read these words back and am in love and am loved in return.

At my age (36), it’s even trickier. Now it’s not just love in the form of a life partner I see, but I have the privilege to witness love in the form of another human being, teeny tiny humans aka babies. Now, that is next level love.

Please don’t mistake my sharing of truths and the words on this page for an expression of sorrow. My life is filled with love. It is all around me. I’ve learnt unconditional love from the power of patience and strength in the relationship with my beautiful mum. I’ve been lucky enough to have been in love. I get to witness the most beautiful examples of love in many forms, with my friends. I share love with an incredible community, where we see the best in each other. My life is filled with beautiful people and I couldn’t do life without them.

Sincerely, I share endless happiness for the people in my world that have found love and created love (in little person form). I am also not naïve to understand, that the kind of love they share takes courage, communication, sacrifice, honesty, openness, grit and not every day is it as wonderful as it seems.

Many of my friends that have been loved up for many years, are so kind to me. They invite me on their family holidays and allow me to spend time with their babies. I often consider that if, perhaps I had already found love, then, maybe I would have missed these moments. Perhaps our connections would not be as strong, and we would not have had the opportunity to spend such quality time together.

Everything really does happen for a reason. On the tough days, though it is just that little bit harder to believe. You might be able to relate?

So here is a brain dump of the things I do to embrace love, without holding my own romantic kind. Really, it’s just a reminder to myself to keep going. Keep trying, believing, loving, adventuring and doing my best every day to be open, kind and ready.

1. Have Hope!

It might sound silly but I actually think it’s crucial. Most of you would have heard of the power of attraction. So, if you tell yourself everyday there are not good men/women out there, then you probably won’t find any good men or women out there! Have hope that you’ll find the one, that the universe has something magical in store for you and all these lessons and unique connections are preparing you for it.

2. Go your own way!

It can be really challenging not to follow the norm, but there really is no such thing as ‘norm’. The pressures that are placed on us from society weigh heavy, I feel them too. They have confused me in the past. Am I chasing love and a life partner because that’s what the world tells me I should do? Or is it because I really want that for myself? I’ve had to dig deep to answer this question. It can be really confusing but please know that you aren’t the only one bucking the system nor, the only one that feels this way.

3. Dig deep and work on you!

So many of us look at others and wish we had what they had. That might be love, a family, a car, an outfit, a different body shape or even a dog?! What we need to do though is spend more time focused on ourselves. More time alone, reflecting, dreaming and questioning.

4. Live your life now

There are so many times I think to myself ‘oh I’d love to do that’ then stop and think ‘nah, that would be so much better to do if I was in a relationship’. It really has to stop. I can’t afford to put my life on hold wishing it was different. Don’t let being single stop you from doing what you want to do. I’ve spent time doing the work, so I can go to the movies by myself, or sit at a bar with a book and a wine. Now it’s time to pack the car and camp on my own, plan adventures on my own.

So, obviously I can’t say this works, but it is the journey I am on. A journey filled with lots of blind dates, bumble swiping, asking friends to set me up and smiling at strangers on the street (hahaha how embarrassing). I love that I am now at a place where I can go out without thinking, ‘will I meet someone tonight?’ and it being in the back of my mind all the time! It has certainly taken time, lots of journaling and lots of conversations with self and friends.

A friend told me this week they admire people that have the courage to share their words. It inspired me to put this post out into the world. It’s been a long time coming with lots of different conversations I have had. So, if anything resonates with you here all I can say is, share your thoughts, start holding conversations with others about it. Or you are welcome to send me a DM. Knowing you aren’t alone in life can be so comforting.

Here’s to love. Big, bold, brave, beautiful LOVE. I do love, love!

With LOVE from Bel x