Bel's Lessons of 2021

Healing is a forever journey

I was once very naive to the human healing journey. I thought that if you dealt with your shit then and there, like really felt into it, you would clear it. It wouldn’t come up when you didn’t expect it (like when you were 60 and it occurred when you were 16), and there wouldn’t be baggage carried with you into the future. FALSE. So wrong. This year I’ve done a lot of healing. Through lots of facilitated conversation, exercises, breath, journaling and sometimes unexpectedly in everyday conversations with trusted friends. There is lots we have shoved down there. Ignored, didn’t quite know what to do with when we were going through it, it was too much. This year I have learnt that that IS OK. When it does pop up again (an emotion or a behaviour that is out of character or unexpected), that is when we can dig into it. Ask ourselves why we are feeling this way, and learn from and respect the journey we have been on since that time. Let’s not see baggage as something to be feared but something to share. It’s our life experiences part of what makes us who we are. We will feel and process and let go when we are ready, that is one of life’s biggest journeys.

True grit is found in the moments you really want to give up

Grit is defined by Angela Duckworth as ‘passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement’, I love that she says a way to define it, is also by saying what grit isn’t, ‘Grit isn’t luck. Grit isn’t talent. Grit isn’t how intensely, for the moment, you want something.’ Researchers say it is about ‘having a goal you care about so much that it organises and gives meaning to almost everything you do. And grit is holding steadfast to that goal. Even when you fall down. Even when you screw up. Even when progress toward that goal is halting or slow.’ 2021 has proven that I know what grit is. I get emotional typing this because I really have given my all to a purpose that is bigger than me, to a community that means everything to me. Grit is not about the fancy campaigns or creative ideas, it is about showing up every day through defeat and more. Being there to find the answers and create solutions, even when you’re out of places to look. Thank you 2021 for making me stronger, providing me with the skills and lessons I’ll take with me well into the future. #strongerontheothersidein2022

Defeat is an emotion that I can’t take lightly

Unlike many of you, I have never played sport, at any level really. When I was six or seven, I played T-Ball (lol, not even softball or baseball, I needed that ball sitting still on something so I could hit it!), our team was called the ‘Misfits’. We lost every single game, and I won the team player award every week. Since then, I’ve seen first-hand the distraught state that friends have been in when they have lost a sporting grand finale, and to be honest I never really understood it. This year I got it! The lesson certainly came in a unique way and not related to sport at all. But the only way I could describe what I was feeling was pure defeat, and I hated every second of it. It was the second year into the pandemic and our whole business had pivoted in every way, including its travel immersions, we’d cancelled Kokoda trips couldn’t get Aussie Schoolies alternatives off the ground, so decided that the Overland Track in Tasmania was a winner! We planned, we trained, we prepared, and we even boarded a plane to Launceston (the stopover in Sydney is the pivotal part). Once in the air, I thought yes, we are on, all of us had gone out of our way to get tested and held on tight to negative results, there was nothing stopping us from this adventure. Once we landed, we would be isolated in the wilderness for 10 days. Nothing could find us there, not even COVID. But the virus had other plans. We touched down in Sydney our phones didn’t stop with notifications and messages. Brisbane had gone into lockdown, and we were halfway to our hideaway. We made phone calls, asked all the questions, we strategised with air crew, and yet our counterparts had landed (from Melbourne) awaiting us to join them in Tassie. But just as we were about to board that flight from Sydney to Launceston, our names were called over the loudspeaker in the airport and we were disembarked. Sent home to Brisbane into lockdown and there was NOTHING we could do. It hurt, I had never felt so helpless, so out of control, so defeated. We did absolutely everything in our power to get on that track and we couldn’t. I acknowledge that this lesson came from a position of privilege, and I am grateful for the life I lead. I can’t wait to step foot on that track, one day.

Nature is where I go to refuel

Whatever it is for you, immerse in it. Don’t just sit and observe but get lost and explore, touch, feel and take in all of the detail. I am blessed to live in a home that offers me windows of uninterrupted nature views. Trees, sunsets, water views, birds, possums, stars and the moon. But sometimes I can get comfortable in my own home. It is my sanctuary and I’ve worked so hard for it. But the act of exploring and adventuring discovering new places and new spots in nature fills my soul. I commit to doing it more and knowing the power it has to recharge me no matter my mood.

There are friends for all seasons

Friends light up our lives. Our life is made more meaningful with people in it. Our relationships will always be some of the most important parts of our world. I have come to learn though that not all our friends are around forever, nor will all our friends serve all of us in every way. Some friends will stay with us forever, others come into our world for just for a season. Some are new and some are old (we’ve known them since we were kids or since that leadership camp we went to in 2009). What I have learnt over the years is that all my friends serve me in unique ways. Some I love to laugh and joke with, others I adventure with. I have friends I call upon to cry with, ask for support and plan with, and then there are friends that I can let off some steam, get drunk with and dance the night away. Some may serve in both ways, but they don’t need to in all ways. We should not measure the depth of our friendships based on if they serve us in all the ways we need. Not all relationships will fulfill us in every way. It is our responsibility to find the unique combination of connections to serve us, to respect that they fill that space for us and we shall respect that and return the service in a way that uniquely serves too.

Share with the world even when it scares you

If you know me, you’ll know I have a belief that sometimes all we need is just 20 seconds of courage and anyone can do anything for 20 seconds. We were all born with something to offer this world. Many of us spend our lives trying to discover what that ‘something’ is, we spend our days marvelling at the skills and talents of others and wishing that was us but do nothing to chase and discover our own. A huge part of that discovery is trying new things and sharing them with the world. If you have a gift, a goal, a talent, a dream, share it! You only have things to gain and people to serve. Your words could mean the world to one person, your art could inspire someone new, your shared dream could make someone else believe they can too, and that is worth it. The only thing holding us back is our fear. The wondering whether we are good enough or what if we will fail. One of my fave quotes is ‘but what if you fly’! You don’t want to live a life of always wondering, live a life filled with sharing. Life is better shared and better when we are serving.

Vulnerability is even harder than it sounds, but worth every inch of courage

I am working hard on this one every day. I believe that vulnerability is key to a meaningful and fulfilled life. It enhances our relationships our lives and our growth. Being comfortable in the uncomfortable will serve us in so many ways. In conversations with friends, asking questions that buzz in our mind, speaking our truth and or starting something new. It all takes guts and it takes practise. We can’t expect to be better at something overnight nor can we hope to get better without rehearsal (which in itself is vulnerability). If you practise this skill with the right people, I promise you they will stick around. If they don’t there will be a lesson to learn down the road.

Do things for you, serve yourself

I’m not sure what it is about giving to myself but I find it really hard. I don’t spend a lot of money on things, I rarely get my haircut and I cringe at the word self-love. I am working on it. I have been working on it a lot in 2021; putting in effort to take care of me. I guess it feels good to give to others, seeing the joy it brings when you gift something to someone else. However, recently I did something for me, and it felt great. I think it felt better because it wasn’t something that I wanted one day and bought it the next. It was something I worked really hard for and knew that I really wanted. Just like we can’t expect all our connections to serve us in all ways, we can’t expect the world or others to give to us in the ways we need. If you need a hug, don’t be afraid to ask for it, if you need a weekend away book it, if spending a day at the beach will make you a better person then go and do that. Do the thing to serve you so you can continue to serve others.

Here's to - healing

- continuing to grow and using grit

- learning more and feeling more emotions

- spending time in nature

- investing in friends

- sharing with the world

- being vulnerable and

- doing things for me

in 2022

With LOVE from Bel x